The Big and Tall of it All...

lost in translation...

2011-01-23T23:25:00.000-08:00

So from the first time I started blogging, this blog was used to help me get through my fight with obiesity and while I was fighting, it helped me win that battle. But for a while now I have not been blogging and I have not only lost my fight with obiesity but I feel I have lost my way with my Savior Jesus Christ. I am in such a place that I feel totally lost. I feel out of control in many aspects in my life, including but not limited to my weight, my finances, my attitude, my happiness and my personal relationship(or lack there of) with Jesus Christ. I have recently lost my job and it has really sent me into a place that I believe has opened my eyes to my true relationship with the one who saved my life, which is... I dont have one.

I have been struggling with the loss of my job to the point that I have not been willing to seek God in any way. I have been angry with Him that He would allow my family and myself to go through this kind of suffering. I consider myself a "good" Christian man and my faith is rock solid, but for the last few years my personal relationship with Christ has been non-existant. My job was really great, life was going good and all was well in the Ables house so why did I need a relationship with Christ? Well sometimes Christ has to rock the boat to remind you that you need Him always!

Today in church my Pastor was speaking on Romans 8 and I was finally at a point where I think I had given up. I am so tired of feeling scared, alone and helpless in my life that I opened my ears and listened and a funny thing happened, He talked to me! It was almost freaky how the sermon was directed point blank at me. That sanctuary could have been empty except me, that is what it felt like. I am not saying that it is all clear now and everything is hunky dory, but I feel like I have a glimpse of what Christ has been asking for years from me and it will take baby steps from me to start rebuilding this relationship with Him. The only problem is I keep getting in the way!

I must open my heart and throw away my ego and let God take control of me. He wants to lead me to rightousness and wants me to have the peacefullness that I seek inside. I want to let go of all the chains that are weighing me down in my life right now but I have to drop to my knees and lay them at His feet. It has been a long time coming and tonight I must take the first step to rebuilding this relationship. He is my Savior, He is my God, He is my Rock and without Him I am nothing. Tonight God I will come to you in prayer and give it all to you, and as always you will deliver me from my sins and carry me to a place in life that I can serve you in all that I do.

Feeling good and sticking to it...

2010-04-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

Ok so it was a good week, and right now that is half the battle! I lost 9 pounds this week and I stuck to me food plan and exercise plan. I feel very motivated and have set weekly goals to keep me on track. I am getting ready to Texas for a week and that will be tough, I struggle alot when I am out of town with my food choices. But I will take it one day a t a time and continue to beat this obiesity that has ran my life for many of years! I also have to remind my self that this will be a life long battle and just because I hit my "goal" weight I cant go back to eating the way I used to. I will win the battle and I will claim victory in the war! -265.36.XL

When you hit bottom there is nowhere to go but down!

2010-04-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

I am struglling to get back on track, I have good days and bad weeks! Ill lose 8 pounds in 4 days and gain 15 in 3! I cant seem to get my will power up to make the right choices in my food plan. I excercise, eat right and feel good about myself and lose weight for a string of 3-4 days but I cant keep it going for a full week and beyond.

I keep a complete log of my weekly weigh ins and am just beside myself on where I have let myself get back to. I started at 450 pounds on 1/12/09 and got to my lowest point at 10/5/09 at 309 pounds! Thats 141 pounds lost and feeling great! I weighed in this morning at 371 pounds, thats 62 pounds gained in 6 months. I am sick with my self.

I know one thing I have to do is throw away my weight log in records on the past, seeing where I was and where I am now just makes me angry and unmotivates me. Its time to start over!

Week 1: 371 pounds and its time to see 265!

Refocused and ready for war! My obeisity will not win, I refuse to let it! -265.36.XL

Reality at its best...

2010-03-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

This week has been great, I worked out everyday and some days twice a day. By wednesday of last week I had already lost 5 pounds! Then life happened and reality was in my face today at my weigh in.

After a birthday party, a weekend in Portland and multiple meals in resturants I have a 0 loss week. I did great getting back into the swing of things at the gym but still have yet to get back to making good decisions at resturants. And now Im paying for it in my weekly results.

I have set a weekly goal of 7 days at the gym and 7 days of a perfect caloric intake. The D.E.A.N. Diet will produce great results if you actually do the work! Obiesity didnt happen overnight and neither will reaching my goals. I must take this 1 week at a time, and this week was a tie!

Keep your eye on the prize... -265.36.XL

Im back and the battle is on...

2010-03-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

Wow, its been a crazy 6 months! I lost 140 lbs in 8 months and gained 50 back in 4 months! My lifestyle changed in only one way, how I saw food. I decided that I was "entitled" to eat what I wanted when I wanted all because I lost 140 lbs. I also thought i was "entitled" to "ease up" on my gym time. These are all ways your addictions get the better of you.

I recently was watching an episode of INTERVENTION, a show on tv that show people that are going through drug and alcohol addictions and how their familes do interventions and try and get them clean. At the end of the show they give an up to date recap on how they are doing since the show was actuall filmed and most go back after being clean for a time.

This really hit me and reminded me of my addiction to food and my battle against my obiesity. I was on fire and determined to win this battle and I lost 140 lbs in 8 months with pure dedication and hard work and I gave almost half of it back in 4 months! This is a problem! I went back and read all my old posts and it inspired me a few months back and I have tried to get back "on the wagon" a number of times but none of my efforts have stuck. I was mostly pissed off becuase of how I let myself slip back and I believe that I misconstruded that as a will to get back into it. I have kept a weekly log of my weigh ins since I started this battle on 1/13/2009 and it tallies my weekly goals and losses and it just would piss me off weekly to enter the new weight as I watched it climb. So i have decided to leave the past in the past and start over.

I have started a new log, I have put the old log in the archives and started a new start date which was last monday. I weighed in at 368 lbs, today I weighed in at 358 lbs! Thats 10 lbs in 1 week, I know I can do it and I believe in The Dean Diet and it does work!

The war has just begun and I am already winning the battle! Keep the faith my faithfull followers, I will not dissapoint!

-265.36.XL

A repost, but a must read...

2009-12-16T06:59:00.000-08:00

D- Determination
E- Excitement
A- Attitude
N- Never, Never, Never Give up!

D- Determination, Make a personal decision to keep your sights set on reaching your goals and keeping your eye on the prize and be diligent in your fight!

Step 1: Decide what your target weight is going to be, use the BMI calculator to help, but YOU decide what your goal weight should be. Multiply your goal weight by 10 and this will be your maximum number of calories allowed in a day. Subtract 500 from your maximum daily calories and this will be the minimum allowed. Try and have a minimum of 2 fruits and 2 veggies a day and drink water, sugar free flavored water and teas and minimal diet sodas.

Example: Goal weight of 200 lbs, your max calories will be 2000 and your min would be 1500.

E- Excitement, be excited for whats to come from your new Dedication to your new personal health revival! Pump yourself up every day with self affirmation and positive thoughts; you are your own best coach!

Step 2: Exercise at least 3 days a week, do 30 min of cardio 3 days a week and at least 15 min of weight lifting 3 days a week. You can do them both on the same day, but change it up each week and keep the body guessing. Do a min of 4 lifts of 3-4 sets of 10-15 reps and focus on the major muscles (chest, biceps, triceps, shoulders, back, legs) you’re not trying to be a body builder but just speeding up your metabolism.

A- Attitude, Make sure your attitude reflects your Dedication and Excitement towards your path to the healthier you! Your attitude will show in your commitment to gym time and the honesty in your food log. Surround yourself with people that also exude this attitude, positive thoughts lead to positive results!

Step 3: Adjust; you are not plateauing unless you have gone 2 weeks without a pound lossed, if you are than subtract 250 calories from your max and bump up your cardio by a day and move on. Never go below 1200 calories in a day. Never have the same calorie intake each day, make it range from your min to your max on a daily basis, keep your body guessing. The human body is the most adapting organism in the world, keep it guessing and change your routine often.

N-Never, Never, Never Give Up! There will be times that you have not kept to your plan, it’s OK, you’re human. But remember your Dedication, Excitement and Attitude on your path to the healthier you! Keep your eye on the prize and know that you’re not remembered for your failures but how you react and achieve after you fail!

Step 4: Record EVERYTHING you put in your mouth every day in a meal log. Eat whatever you want but be 100% honest to yourself and record it and don't go over your daily max's. If you do go over, don't worry and don't quit. You just get right back to it the next day. If you want to lose it faster cardio more! It's all about calories in versus calories out. Also it is very important for you to know that your weight fluctuates all day, so pick a time of day to weigh in and only weigh in at that time of day. It takes 3500 calories to equal 1 pound of fat. So burn it before you wear it!

As I have come to find over the last few months, you must be honest with yourself in every aspect of your health plan. Food log, excercise and journaling your ups and downs are all a must. Always keep your goals in sight and never justify reasons for not doing what your supposed to do. The D.E.A.N. Diet works and will help you get healthy and enjoy life a little more.

Keep your eye on the prize! -265.36.XL

And so it begins.......again.....

2009-12-14T21:07:00.000-08:00

My first week down on my re-commitment to my personal battle on my obiesity and I won the battle! I have lost 15 lbs since last monday and my honesty to myself has overun to my honesty in my food log which has brought back my extreme desire to workout which has brought back my will power on staying honest to my food log! Its a vicious circle that equals pounds lost and battles won!

This week, a new battle, I am on the road for 3 days and then a big b-day party for one of my faithfull followers! That means food and drink temptations, long hours and trying to find time for the hotel gym. But my short term goal of 299lbs by January 13th is heavy on my mind and heart. I will hit my short term goal on my way to the prize!

Im a back and Im kickin a$$ and taking names! -265.36.XL

Ashamed...

2009-12-10T13:39:00.000-08:00

Hello all, its been a few months since I last wrote on here. Its been a tough couple of months with my fight on obiesity. The last two months have reminded me how I got to be 450lbs to begin with. I have not worked out in 2 months, not calculated my daily calories or wrote about my struggles and triumphs. I have not been honest with myself or my faithful followers. I do believe that the mental part of my fight on my obiesity is what has kept me from continuing to win the battles. Well its time to be honest with myself and all of you. The D.E.A.N. Diet works and it kicks ass! But if you do not buy into it 100% and do it 100% you will fail, as I have for the last 2 months.

As of Monday, Dec 7th I weighed 349 lbs. This is a 44 pound weight gain from my lowest weight. I am so ashamed of the weight gain I have refused to come on here and write about it. Not only have I let myself down, but my family and all of you. When your not honest about your struggles and your triumphs you cannot win the war. By me not writing on here and being honest with my words, I was then not honest with my calorie counting, which then made me not be honest with my workouts. All of this has sent me into a 2 month downward spiral of weight gain. I let not having a gym membership and traveling for work get into my mental state and give me an excuse. That excuse got me 44 pounds of weight back on my body. Im pissed and tired of getting my ass kicked by my obiesity, I have lost a lot of battles in the last few months but I refuse to lose this war.

January 13, 2010 will be the 1 year anniversary of the start of my personal war against my obiesity. I was supposed to be at my goal weight of 265lbs by then and was well on my way until I failed myself a few months ago. I have decided to get my troops back in order and win this war once and for all. I have 84 pounds to lose to get to my goal weight and I will, but I have a new short term goal which I am in the heat of battle with as we speak. I will be 299lbs by my 1 year anniversary! Thats 50 lbs by January 13th! The war has just begun!

It has been 4 days since my new battle has emerged, I am down 10lbs all while not having a gym and dealing with the holiday cooking season! I am at 1850 calories a day, with a daily workout that is never the same. I do push-ups, body squats, Tae-Bo videos, 1989 Denise Austin Step Videos, jogging in the extreme cold and whatever I can do to get my heart rate up and sweat rolling off my head.

I know losing 50 pounds by the 13th of January sounds like a crazy goal but gaining 44 pounds in 8 weeks was unexceptible and I will bust my butt to get back on track and hopefully earn all of your respect back. NEVER TAKE YOUR EYE OFF THE PRIZE! - 265.36.XL

The battle is not done...

2009-10-29T13:11:00.000-07:00

So for the last 7 weeks I have been on again, off again on my personal health plan. I have been traveling for work and it has been all but impossible for me to stay on my daily caloric plan and my excercise plan. I have been down to 306 and up to 320. I am maintaining my weight but I have not lost any more towards my goal of 265. I am very grateful for not gaining a large amount but am very disapointed at not being able to keep my weekly loses going towards my goal weight.

It is hard when you are on such a "High" and things are going great, and "Life" gets in the way and slows things down. I guess this is what the D.E.A.N. Diet is really supposed to focus on. I have not only not been able to be "honest" with my caloric intake but I have not been able to keep adding entries to this blog. I truly believe this has been detrimental to my emotional unbalance towards my personal battle against my obiesity.

I am writing this entry to officially state that I am back and in it to win it! I have goals and landmarks that I have had to adjust but I will hit them. I have vowed to my family, my friends, God and my self that I will achive my prize and win this battle, so I will!

I was in church last sunday and we sung an old hymn, which I have never been a fan of, but this one really spoke to me and to my personal battle with obiesity. This verse really puts it all into perspective. He is my strength and my guide! -265.36.XL

"This is my Father’s world. O let me never forget that though the wrong seems often so strong, God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world: the battle is not done: Jesus Who died shall be satisfied, And earth and Heaven be one."

Holding strong...

2009-10-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

Well I am still the same weight I have been for about 6 weeks, although most would consider this as being a plateau, I do not. In order to call this a plateau I would have had to of been honest to my meal plan and excercise program and still not lost any weight. I cannot say that! I have been traveling and eating out for every meal and only hitting the excercise room every now and then. This has only allowed me to maintain and not continue to lose. Although this is a failure on my goal it is a win for me not to gain in the process. I now have to get back into the mindset of making my excercise and food plan a daily priority. Now that this is a way of life and not just a fad, I will be able to back into the groove easily. I am home for awhile so I will be hitting it hard and watching the pounds to start coming off again. I will never go back and I will win my battle against my obiesity! Keeping my eye on my prize! -265.36.XL

Heeding my own advice...

2009-09-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

Its easy to stay positive when everything is going like its suppose to, but when life happens and stuff gets in the way of your plan, its hard to stay on track. I have been on the road traveling for 4 weeks and eating out every meal and working late. This combo does not get you the results you need when your fighting a war on obeisity. I started at 309 lbs when I went on the road and was scheduled to hit my goal weight on November 24th. Well its been 4 weeks and I weighed in at 312 pounds, its not the end of the world but it still pisses me off. Now I am not going to hit my goal weight on my scheduled day. As I have been struggling with my progress, I have forgotten my own philosophy. On the D.E.A.N. Diet the "A" stands for Attitude and is described as follows:

"A-Attitude, Make sure your attitude reflects your Dedication and Excitement towards your path to the healthier you! Your attitude will show in your commitment to the gym time and the honestly in your food log. Surround yourself with people that also exude this attitude, positive thoughts lead to positive results!

Step 3: Adjust; you are not plateauing unless you have gone 2 weeks without a pound lossed, if you are than subtract 250 calories from your max and bump up your cardio by a day and move on. Never go below 1200 calories in a day. Never have the same calorie intake each day, make it range from your min to your max on a daily basis, keep your body guessing. The human body is the most adapting organism in the world, keep it guessing and change your routine often."

This is straight from The D.E.A.N. Diet, this is how I have come to lose 135 pounds, and yet at the first sign of trouble I stop listening to what works? This is why people "yo-yo" on their diets, they forget why they started and how they lost the weight in the begining. So here is my "Adjustment".

1) Stop whining!
2) Stop making excuses!
3) Cardio every night, im in a hotel, I have nothing else to do!
4) Be honest with what I am eating!
5) Drop my calorie intake to make up for the not so healthy food options!
6) Remember DETERMINATION, EXCITEMENT, ATTITUDE AND NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!
7) Adjust my new date to hit my goal weight, its not the end of the world, its just a date.
8) Finish strong!

I have lost 135 pounds, I have 45 to go, I am not done! Keep your eye on the prize -265.36.XL

The thought of you...

2009-09-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

...makes me me smile and gives me joy.

I remember the day I first saw you and it still gives me chills. The smile, the fro, the big rimmed glasses and the pureness in your heart.

I think of the early days of our time together and how it shaped us into partners. No body to lean on but each other and the only thing we had was our love for each other.

The times we cried and the times we laughed are the times I enjoy the most. From hospital stays with the kids to family trips on the road, that is whats makes us close.

When we struggle, we seem to grow closer and when we prosper we become even stronger. When work was scarce, we relied on God and each other and when I was snatched up on the internet for a job of a lifetime, we knew we were blessed

As I see you mothering my kids, I thank God for His blessings in you. You are the most loving and compassionate women I know and am amazed at your precious nature.

When I am away and you are in charge of my world it reminds me of the rock that you are. You pick up where I left off and take the house hold by the horns and make sure no one misses a step.

As I finish my work away from home and pack up for my return, I get so excited with...

...the thought of you!

The power of words...

2009-09-09T18:13:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking alot about this blog and why I do it. I have never been a writer or have ever liked to write, but when I go back and read my first entries and up to my latest, I am amazed at the affect of seeing my words have had on my battle against obeisity. I am blessed with the friends and family that I have for their support of me during this war, I am also so blessed with how God has given me the DETERMINATION and EXCITMENT to fight as hard as I do and I cant thank everyone enough for all the encouraging words. These are all things that are needed in order to succeed in such a fight against my personal battle.

But as I read my blog and re-live the struggles and triumphs that I have went through, I realize that I cant quit, I cant let up, I cant slack off, I cant give an inch! I have worked so hard, I have busted my butt and have pushed my body amd mind to the limit at times and its not worth going back 1 step. Without reading this blog maybe I dont get the full magnitude of this concept, maybe I dont re-live the pain and sweat that I have put my body through in order to not be on heart medication, to not wake up with joint pain or to not be able to ride a fair ride with my daughter for the first time in years! Without the words saved for recolection, maybe I dont see these things and start falling backwards?

The power of words, stories, personal reflection and reminders of where you were, how you dealt, how you failed and how you triumphed sparks the flame in your soul and rejuvinates your ATTITUDE and reminds you of why you started this process to begin with.

I am currently on my last 45 pounds to lose, I am on the road and eat out for every meal and I do not have a gym to bust my butt in. These last 45 pounds will be the true test for my D.E.A.N. Philosphy and will push my mental strength to the limit. But with the support of my friends and family and the power of words I know that I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!

I am only a man, but with Gods strength I can do all things, that is my battle cry! Can you hear it, because I am screaming! That is the power of words! -265.36.XL

7 Day Mission...DONE and DONE!!!!

2009-09-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

For 3 weeks I have not lost or gained any weight, and with me not sticking to my calorie plan, this is good news! I have decided to do a 7 day mission, I am going to go extreme on my calorie intake, excercise amounts and mental awareness and shock the body. I am going to do whatever it takes, but still be healthy, and lose 10 pounds this week!

I am going to drop my calorie intake to 1500 calories, run 2-5 miles a day and be super positive in my ATTITUDE while keeping Christ as my strength. Its going to be rough on my body and joints but sometimes you have to push yourself through some pain to see what you are truly capable of.

I am DETERMINED, I will be EXCITED, I will have a great ATTITUDE and I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP! That is my commitment, my vow and the way I will reach my goal.

Its been my experience over the last 8 months that my battle against my obiesity has been 80% mental and 20% physical. The D.E.A.N. Diet is a lifestyle change that does work, and will change the way you view health and fitness. You just need to keep your eye on the prize and remember the D.E.A.N. Philosophy!

Check back to this blog entry and I will update my 7 day mission results.

7 Day Mission Results:

Day 1: 1496 calories, 5 miles ran and 3 pounds lost!
Day 2: 1639 calories, 4 miles ran and 2 pounds lost!
Day 3: 1876 calories, 2 miles ran and 1 pound lost!
Day 4: 2987 calories, NO EXERCISE WAS OUT OF TOWN-NO SCALE TO WEIGH IN
Day 5: 2825 calories, NO EXERCISE WAS OUT OF TOWN-NO SCALE TO WEIGH IN
Day 6: 1499 calories, 6 miles ran and 0 pounds lost!
Day 7: 1758 calories, 4 miles ran and 4 pounds lost!

Total Pounds Lost: 10

Wooowhooo! I did it, but barely! As you can see, the 2 days out of town and way over on my caloric intake really set me back. Not only did I go over my intake, my food choices for those 2 days were so bad! High fatty foods and high carb intakes, thats a bad combo when you dont workout to help offset the intake. But I finished strong and made it. Im back on track and will be on the road for about 6 weeks, so more than ever I am going to have really watch my food intake and make good choices. The next 6 weeks will be the hardest of my battle on my obeisity, the road is not an easy place to eat right and exercise. Please pray that my DEDICATION, EXCITEMENT, ATTITUDE and NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP philosophy stays strong while i'm on the road.

I am close to being under 300 pounds for the first time in 15 years! Ican and I will! -265.36.XL

Bad Attitude = Bad Results...

2009-08-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I preach my D.E.A.N. Diet to everyone that asks how I do it, and yet for the last 2 weeks my attitude has been really bad. Due to financial reasons I have not been able to go to the gym for 2 and a half weeks. This is a drastic downturn to my 6 days a week average, most of the time twice a day! So my weight loss results have been 0! I havent gained but I havent lossed any either. So my ATTITUDE has been crap.

All I have been able to do for excercise is run my 2.5 mile route through the neighborhood, granted this is great it only gets me a 30 min workout and its rough on my big body, so I can only do it about 3-4 days a week. This is about 550 calories burned compared to the 1200-1500 calories burned I was averaging at the gym a day! So istead of adjusting my calorie intake I just got pissy and had a bad attitude! Well this is not helpinbg anybody, and it is detrimental to my battle against my obiesity.

I have realized that due to my ATTITUDE I have also not been as DETERMINED or EXCITED towrds my battle. These are all tied together and affect the total outcome. This week I decided to snap out of it and I lowered my calorie intake and my results are starting to show again! I must remember the complete philosophy of the D.E.A.N. Diet and it will work!

I have had a little stumble but as the D.E.A.N. Philosophy states, I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP! Keep the faith and keep your eye on the prize! Im back and stronger than ever...with or without the gym! Thanks to two of my faithful followers who have kept the ATTITUDE and reminded me when I was down! (Gina Taylor and my awesome Wife!)

My son has latched on to a saying and I believe that it describes how I feel and is in direct coralation to the phiolosophy of the D.E.A.N. Diet. In Mixed Martial Arts, when your ready to quit you "tap" out. Well in life "Jesus didnt tap!" so in my battle against obiesity with Jesus as my role model, I will not tap! I promise you this, I might loose a fight here and there, but I will not "Tap"!

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. " -Thomas Jefferson

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Phil 4:13 -This is my power, my strength and my guidence! -265.36.XL

129 and counting...

2009-08-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

So as my 31st week came to an end, I have lost a total of 129 pounds, 7 pant sizes and 4 shirt sizes! I have worked out on average 6 days a week and most of them twice a day. I have limited my calories from 1600 to 2200 a day and worked my butt off in the process. I have truly accomplished more than I could ever have dreamed of already! But the war is not over and the battle continues.

I had a 9 pound loss this last week and it was a lot of work. The previous week I had a 1 pound loss and it took alot of work to get that 1 pound! You must always keep your eye on the prize and remember during the tough weeks what your fighting for. Your health, your kids, your wife and longevity with them all. Its an everyday reminder when you wake up to your beautiful wife and kids exactly why you spend hours in a day in the gym and when you run 3 miles at night while your legs ache from the previous work outs.

I saw a t-shirt that read "Losers quit when there tired, Winners quit when they've won!" Well I have not won the war yet, and I refuse to be a loser in this fight. I am 51 pounds away from winning the hardest battle I have ever fought and it will be a sweet victory when I see that scale read 265 pounds!

If you struggle with a war of your own, please keep up the fight! When you feel like there is no way you can continue, fight even harder. When you have no more energy, work even harder. When YOU cant do it any more, seek HIM for your strength and you will reach the next level! I started this war 31 weeks ago at 445 pounds and I am now 316 pounds. With HIS strength Iwill win this war and be rid of my obiesity for good! -265.36.XL

Lay your chains at his feet...

2009-08-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

Life is funny, somedays are so easy and so productive all the while with a great attitude, but then there are those days that you feel like you are just overwhelmed and weighted down with your "chains" of burden. Its hard to shake these chains off and you just want to stop and fall to the ground to give yourself some relief.

This is the times that I have recently found that God wants to bless you abundantly! He allows these times of trials to let you seek Him for your relief and not yourself. He wants you to dig down deep and find the strength to power on through Him. With all the financial, personal and worldly issues that we all have to deal with on a daily basis, we need to seek Him and we will get through it. The hard part is to remember this during our struggles.

In my battle against my obiesity, I have found that there are many valleys and peaks and I have gone through them all. But during my low times I know that I recover quicker and get back on track when I seek Him for the strength I need. This also goes for my financial issues, when I seek Him the stress seems to dwindle and the answers come quicker.

Please listen to my blog page song, "Only a Man", it has a truly inspiring message.

Eyes wide opened and focused...

2009-08-06T18:05:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since I have written on here, I know that I really enjoy writing but time does have a way of being hard to come by! My war against my obiesity is still going on strong and even though I have eased up on the compulsive excercising and am ok with missing a day here and there. I know that life will happen and I am not always going to make to the gym. My weight loss is still going good, I am averaging right at 4 pounds a week for 29 weeks now! I have come to the realization that this weight loss is not a "phase" or "temporary thing". I can see in my actions and attitude toward food and excercise that I truly believe that this is the new me and I will never see the old me again. I can now go to a party of some type and go over in my calories and know that its not the end of the world but just life! The very next day I am back on my plan and in the gym, although it might reflect badly on the scale for a day or two it eventually goes away and I can see myself continuing on my path to a healthier and fitter me.

I can honestly say that God has blessed me witha perspective of how important it is to eat the right things and excercise in order to be physically the way he asks me to be. I dont always want to do the right thing in my choices on food and fitness but I do find the will power to do it way more often than I have ever been able to do in the past. I am so grateful for a wife that provides me with the positive encouragment that I need in my times of weakness. She is my rock and my best friend. I have never written that I could actually forsee myself at my goal weight, but I can honestly say that I can see myself there and it will be soon. I have lost 120 pounds in 29 weeks and have 60 more to go and am scheduled to hit that on November 24th. I know that it will get harder but I also know that I will also be ready for the challenge! I am on my way to 265 pounds for the first time since I was 14 years old! I will make it and it will be a great victory to say I beat my obiesity with nothin but hard work, sweat and faith! - 265.36.XL

The definition of DEAN...

2009-07-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

In my continued fight against my obiesity, I have found that I have not changed but my outlook on certain situations have. I am still they same guy as I was 110 pounds ago, so if I did not change how did I lose the weight and continue to do so?

I believe that in order for you to truly lose the weight and keep a healthy outlook in your life, you have to have a personal "come to Jesus" revalation in your life. You must look at yourself in the mirror, and without the rose colored glasses on, and be 100% honest with yourself. Are you at a healthy weight? Are you on a healthy path? Are you heavier than you were 6 months ago? If so what do you think is going to happen 6 months from now? What does your doctor think of your health? Are you happy with the you in the mirror? Answer these questions as if Jesus Christ Himself has asked you, tell the 100% honest truth.

Until you are ready to stop making excuses and whining about how everyone else has it easier, you will not succeed at your health goals. It is going to be hard, your going to struggle, you will feel pain before, during and after you exercise for the first few weeks, its going to be a pain fit it in your schedule, your going to crave the foods that are not good for you and your going to fail at times. But as in most things that are hard, this too will get easier as you go and the rewards will be life long.

For 5 months I have been fighting this war, I have had great weeks and I have had horrific weeks. But 4 words have defined who I have become during this war. Please understand that 6 months ago these words did not describe me and were not in my personal vocabulary. It took blood, sweat and tears for these words to develop into a description of myself.

D - Determination "Make a personal decision to keep your sights set on reaching your goals and keeping your eye on the prize and be diligent in your fight!"

E - Excitement "Be excited for whats to come from your new Determination towards your new personal health revival! Push yourself and trust Gods word and know that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!"

A - Attitude "Make sure your attitude reflects your Determination and Excitement towards your path to the healthier you! Your attitude will show in your commitment to gym time and the honesty in your food log. Surround yourself with people that also exude this attitude, positive thoughts lead to positive results!"

N - Never, Never, Never give up! "There will be times that you have not kept to your plan, it’s OK, you’re human. But remember your Determination, Excitement and Attitude on your path to the healthier you! Keep your eye on the prize and know that you’re not remembered for your failures but how you react and achieve after you fail!"

What words do you wish described you? How are you going to make it happen?

Keep your eye on the prize! - 265.36.XL

Believe it or not...

2009-06-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

I cant believe I am going to say this, but here it goes... I have officially lost over 100 pounds! I am so happy and so surprised. I still cant believe that I have gone this far. I have now lost 103 pounds on my way to weighing 265 pounds.

I have so many people that are supporting me and God has blessed me with the strength to persivere through the tough times and keep focused on my health goals. My wife has been my biggest supporter and my rock. I just cant thank you her and all my other friends and family enough.

I am dedicated and focused to stay on track until my goals are met and/or exceeded. I want to be an inspiration to my kids that show how hard work and sweat pays off. I have 77 pounds to go and I will meet that goal by November. Before I started my war against my obiesity my blood pressure was 207/96 and I was on meds. On Friday it was 113/65, I am now a healthy 37 year old man.

I plan on seeing all my kids graduate from high school and college, I plan to see all them get married and I plan on playing with all my grandkids. That is my promise that will help me see my goals met and my dreams realized. Put your priorities in order and God will make them happen. Keep the faith and you will see the prize. -265.36.XL

Only you...

2009-06-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

When life seems to be all right,

It all turns to an uphill fight.

As soon as your reaching for the sky,
Your dreams are shattered and have gone array.

You realize you have almost made it through,

To just have the walls fall in on you.

When all hope is gone and your on your knees,

Only you can help me breathe.

Only you can put joy in my heart

Only you can give me a new start

Only you can help me see

Only you can set me free

As I battle the up hill fight,

You help me to see the end is in sight.

When my dreams seem to be done and gone,

You give me the strength to go on.

While the walls seem to be caving in,

Your love gives me the power to win.

As I take a deep breath and lose my fear,

I know that Only you got me here!

You put the joy in my heart

You gave me a new start

You helped me see

And Only You could have set me free.

By the Grace of God...

2009-06-16T22:51:00.000-07:00

I have been alive for 37 years and have been blessed all of them. I cant say that all 37 years have been AWESOME but I was truly blessed by God every second of the day for 37 years. It is hard to see your blessings when times are tuff financially, emotionally, physically and in your relationships. But if you really sit and think about the tuff times it is easy.

Focus on how you got through them, who stepped in and helped, what situations came about to get you on the right track and how did you smile again? Those are His blessings! He helps sometimes without you even thinking it was Him. He always steps in right before you collapse and holds you up. Sometimes all you have to do is ask and he says "I was waiting for you to ask for help".

As a man it is not easy to ask for help or even give your problems to somebody else to handle. But that is exactly what God wants us to do, trust Him to take control of your life and live abundantly. I became a christian 21 years ago and to this day it is hard for me to trust God in everything. I seem to only trust Him in the things that I am emotionally involed with like family, relationships, emotions and stuff like that. But when it comes to the physical and material needs like your career, finances, food in the cupboards and stuff like that I tend to only let Him in when it seems "right" but I dont truly give it to him to have. Truthfully I dont know if I know how to do that. Just recently I have had to be humbled and ask for His help as a last resort. The outcome has truly touched my soul.

I realize now that He has always been in control but just gave me enough rope to hang myself with. He is always there and is always ready to catch me when I fall. All He wants is for me to truly with all my heart, seek him for the solution and trust that he will deliver. It is truly amazing on how much He shows His love and grace to me through the blessings and pitfalls in my life.

I realize now that I must thank Him for the hardships that I will endure so I can be blessed with the way he brings me out of them. And I must always remember that there is nothing that is to big or to small for Him to handle and He is just waiting for you to ask Him for the solution. Just make sure your heart is in a place that when He gives it to you, you will take it.

I hope this post reaches you with all my hopes and prayers that you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is a life changer and all he wants is for you to accept Him as your personal savior. Please if you have not done this and it is something you desire please contact me and I would love to help you begin the journey that will change your life forever. Remember there is nothing that can keep you from Him except you. He cleans your slate of all things no matter how big or small. All you have to do is reach out and take His gift of new life. God Bless you all and remember this:

Romans 3:23-24 (The Message)
"Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ. "

Another milestone reached...

2009-06-11T09:48:00.000-07:00

My life is very hectic and stressfull right now, it seems that so many things are just not going the way I would like them to. But the one thing that I have realized that I have 100% complete control of is my fight against my obiesity. I have surpassed the halfway mark on my way to my goal, which is HUGE! I have never lost this much weight and excercised this much before in my life, even when I was an athlete in college.

I seem to use my time at the gym as a kind of stress reliever and time to get away from my problems. The other awesome part of this time is now my wife has been joining me and she is on her way to becoming a healthier woman! She is also loosing weight and kicks my butt on the eliptical and treadmill machines! She is the best workout partner ever! Having her in my corner and working hard right along side of me is truly a blessing and motivator.

Halfway is awesome but I have a long way to go. I still have the drive and desire to work hard and achieve my goals so that is good, but I still fear for the day that is gone. I just pray and hope that I can overcome that obstical if it does show its ugly head! Remember the prize! -265.36.XL

The Perfect Formula for Weight Loss...

2009-06-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

I have been on my quest to 265 since January 12 of this year, and during this time I have had many weight loss weeks and some no change weeks and a few wieght gain weeks, but during this time I have lost close to 90 pounds. And during this time I have seen so many different wieght loss infomercials, books and TV Commercials about all the different things you can buy to get yourself thin and healthy. But I am here to tell you that I have tried most of them, I put in the cash, the time and the effort and none has worked as good as the one I am on now!

I have paid for and been apart of the following diet plans; Weight Watchers, LA Weight Loss, Slim Fast, The Prism Diet, The Atkins Diet, The Six Week Body Make Over and many more that were derived from a combo of each trying to find what fit me best. I have lost alot of weight and money on these plans only to have gained all and more back within a year. That is why I have the perfect formula now that I have lost more weight than I ever have in my life and I am still losing!

The Perfect Formula for Weight Loss is as follows... There is not ONE! All of the mentioned plans can work and can be successful, but it all comes down to YOU! If you are not completley dedicated to the idea of working hard to achieve your goals than you will never make it. I have come to accept that I am obiese, this was not a easything to do. The word obiese is ugly and degrading, but it is the truth. I started at 445 pounds and on blood pressure medicine. I am 37 years old with a family, this was not ok. You must get into a mental state that you completely understand that you must change your outlook on food consumption.

People keep asking me "What are you doing to loose the weight", so I am going to describe my "Secret". The weight loss plan that i am on is the oldest weight loss plan around and probabally the only one that has ever been totally proved as 'Healthy". It is the formula of "Calories in, Calories out". I know that people hate to count calories, but that is how your body works. It will consume all your calories and than wait as you burn those calories. If you are consuming 3000 caalories a day and only burning 200, your body is left to deal with 2800 calories. The FDA has a normal person using 2000 calories in a day to be healthy. It takes 3500 calories to equal 1 pound of fat. and depending on your size and stature your body needs 1200 to 2200 calories to function normally. So do the math, if your taking in to many calories and not burning enough you are goiong to start to store calories and before you know it you have an extra 3500 calories and a extra pound of fat.

Its not rocket science but every body is different, you will need to figure oout what your body needs in calories to function and than set you intake around that and excercise. I used the website http://www.sparkpeople.com/ to figure out what my calorie intake should be and than tweaked it from there. The biggest part of this diet is to be 100% honest to your self, eat whatever you want but count it! I have lost 90 pounds and stopped all medications and I excercise 5-7 days a week. This is the program that works for me and I have dedicated myself to it. Pick a healthy plan, work at it, be honest to yourself and set a goal. Nothings easy or we would all be thin and healthy. I take the phrase "work your ass off" litterally! That is what it takes.

One last comment, surround yourself with positive people, I have great friends and family and especially a wife that is always positive and honest to me. This is not a phase but a way of life. Remember the goal and never stop reaching for it! -265.36.XL

Consistancy during times of uncertainty...

2009-05-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes its hard to stay focused on something when your being weighed down by stress or other issues, but I have found that while in tough times and struggle, the gym is something I have 100% control of. I have found that the gym is a great place for me to go and let my frustrations out, ponder my choices and meditate with God on his plans for me during my strife.

I have also come to learn that what I am listening to on my iPod really determines my attitude and energy level during my workout. As much as I love Billy Joel and the Eagles, I have found they suck as motivational music! And its not always my head banging rock that makes me work the hardest either. I have come to notice that I work the hardest and get the best results while I am listening to Casting Crowns, Mercy Me and Kenny Foote. This music puts my mind in a place that allows me to meditate on God and it just makes me want to work harder!

I have been to the gym everyday for 63 days now and sometimes its a struggle to get motivated and sometimes its a struggle to get me to leave! But through it all my best days are when I am in contact with God while I am there. Even when I think I am in complete control of something, He reminds me that all things are done through Christ who strengthens me!

I am official on week 19 of my quest to beat my obiestity and God has given me the strength and power to have lost 80 lbs with 9 weeks of continued wieght loss. He continues to push me and test me on my will power and he continues to help me prevail!

The War rages on...

2009-05-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

I sometimes think, am I really going to reach my goal of 265lbs? I do doubt myself almost everyday, even after I weigh in and bust my butt in the gym to see the pounds continue to come off. I have very high self esteem, even at my biggest point in my weight. But I do continue to doubt that I will see 265lbs. I believe that the reason why is that I have done all this before, lost alot of weight, been convicted and strong in my drive, but all to just go back at 100mph.

So as I got on the scale today and saw that I did meet my weekly goal again and am currently down 71 lbs, I still have the doubt and the fear of this all just being another phase in my life and it will all go back to the way it was, sore, super heavy, tired, hard to find clothes, cant ride that amusement park ride with my kids, need a seat belt extention for the plane flight, blood pressure pills, sweat tying my shoes, cant reach my shoes, hard to get out of bed, fear of death at an early age, not seeing my grandkids, sex not as fun, just flat out worthless! But then I think, F-THAT!!! Never again will those phrases describe me! I am working my ass off in the gym, I am eating what I am supposed to and the amounts I am supposed to and I am not on any medications! Oh and sex has never been better!

The old me will never see the light of day again and the new me continues to be re-defined in my health and fitness. My war on my obiesity rages on and especially in my doubts, but let it be known that I am here for the long haul and nothing will stand in my way! I started at 445lbs and am down to 374lbs, I have 109 to go and will never look back. I will always be Big Dean but I am done with Obiese Dean! -265.36.XL is not a dream but a reality!

"If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties" -Francis Bacon

Just the thought of it gives me chills...

2009-05-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

I am currently weighing in less than I have been in 10 years. I feel like this time it is going to last til my goal. I still have 114 pounds to go, and even though that is a huge number, I can actually already see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am so driven this time around and am so thankful for the support I get from my family and friends.

I also have to thank my doctor for being very blunt with the truth. The last time I was in to see the doctor he put me on blood pressure pills and told me if I didnt change my lifestyle I wouldnt see 40! I am only 37! That was very eye opening and scary. He was very blunt and very in my face about my health and my family. I have not held a doctor for more than a year just because I dont like them. God put Dr. Palm in my life just at the right time and I am so thankful. I havent seen him in over a year, I am going to see him in a couple of weeks and cant wait to see his face and thank him!

I keep referring to my lifestyle change (diet) to a battle or war on my obiesity, and I truly believe this mindset keeps it in my mind that you can never let your gaurd down. I have my weight loss scheduled down to the day, I know it could change but it keeps me on track and on point. I will be at my goal Thanksgiving 2009, and just the thought of it gives me chills!

On the route to 100...

2009-05-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

I am very surprised at my own progress in my continued fight against my obeisity. I have always been on diets and have always been able to lose weight, but i seem to always get bored or sidetracked and quit and gain all plus more weight back. I have been on this latest quest since my 18th wedding anniversary, 1/12/09, and I have no intentions or desire to give up! I really enjoy working out and enjoy how I feel. I have lost 66 pounds and am just 34 pounds away from my second 50, or the big 100! God is good and he is definatley looking out for me and giving me a deeper will power that I have never seen before! Keeping my eye on the prize...265.36.XL

Running to my goal...

2009-04-21T23:08:00.000-07:00

In all my 37 years of life I have never been a fan of, enjoyed or looked forward to running! In all me years of football the running part was the part I despised the most. I would call people who ran for fun idiots! 5K's, 10K's, 20K's, Marathons, what a stupid idea I thought. But now at 37, 385 lbs, I run every day, I look forward to running a longer distance each time, I enjoy pushing myself to limits I never thought I could reach and I ran a 5K route in 37:29. I have never ran that far before in my life! I am registered for the July 18th Salem Art Fair 5K and will shoot for a personal best in time. I am obsessed with running, I love how it makes me feel and how I am able to push myself to higher limits all the time. I dont run fast but I never stop running and it is very fulfilling. 265.36.XL is getting closer every day and in my route to obtaining this goal I am experiencing new and fun ways to get healthier!

The joy is back in my excercise!

2009-04-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

It has been a longtime since I have been able to excercise without pain and also to just enjoy the actual process of putting out the effort of excercising. I am finally to the point where I can play hoops again. Im not saying I am "Jordan" or anything but I can compete and battle with the boys again! Everytime I get on the court I feel a little better, and have a little more energy and strength. I have been playing every day, and the days that I cant get on the court, I run, thats right I run! I have been up to 2 miles and it feels great. I am 395 pounds, I cant wait until I am 350, or 300, or 280, just think how I will feel. I cant wait! I am 10 pounds away from my first 50 pounds lost, and the joy is back in my excercise program. Remember, 265.36.XL is not a dream, or a hope, or a wish, but a prize for my reality and I am getting closer everyday.

V is for Victory!

2009-04-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

As a Warrior in my personal battle against obiesity, I feel very invinceble right now. I now I cant let my gaurd down or get to sure of myself but I do feel like I am finally getting the upper hand in this war. I have finally found a calorie to excercise ratio that seems to have me dropping about a pound a day right now. I am on schedule to hit my first 50 lbs loss marker on the 20th of April! I am so excited, I am being very strong in my will power and my dedication to being at the gym as much as I need to be. I am feeling good and enjoying myself in the meantime. I know God is empowering me and giving me the desire to fight hard and I thank him daily. I know without Him I would not be winning these little battles and without Him I would have no chance of Victory!

Exodus 15:2
"The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him."

Eye on the prize...

2009-04-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

I have finally broke below the 400lbs mark! I have not seen a weight that started with a 3 in a along time. I got on my personal scale and for the first time in forever it gave a number and not the dreaded "EE". What does that mean anyway? Is that code for "a double error"? Not only am I too big but it has to give me a "double insult" to tell me to loose weight! But whatever, I won this week, I conquerd my scale! I weighed 399.8, my scale maxes out at 400.00. With these little battles won, I can see the trophy. I still have 135lbs to go, but with the lttle victories its a little easier to swallow. I have 2 days until my official weigh in, and I am hoping for my biggest weekly loss to date!----------265.36.XL

Back on track

2009-03-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

Well I have had a couple of weeks where I have not been faithfull to my cause. I have traveled and just been lazy in my commitment to beating my obiesity. The good thing this time is that I was thinking about it the whole time. I am dedicated to being healthy for my wife and kids and know that even when I go astray I will come back. I weigh in tomorrow and I know I will be pissed, but even more focused. I got back in the gym today and it felt great, I mean like I was so excited to get back in the gym! I have noticed that the more I write on here and the more time I am in the gym, the easier it is to stay on track. There is something about it that keeps me accountable to myself, which has always been a struggle for me.

I also went to church this week, which has not been a common accurance in a while do to the kids sporting events and just the plain fact that I havent made it a priority. I believe that I use the sporting events excuse to keep me from going, but I went this weekend and I must say that I really missed being there and I miss being involved there. That has not happened in a while. I have had personal issues with the people in decision making positions thier, and I made it a personal issue instead of a just going for my own realationship with Christ. So I am hopefully turning a corner! Continue to pray for me and let God do the rest.

Psalm 37:24
"though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand."

Big City, Bright Lights...

2009-03-24T07:11:00.000-07:00

Viva Las Vegas! I am in Las Vegas for work and it is such a crzy place. I love the atmosphere, the lights and the pure craziness. But being here by myself really takes the fun out of it. I have a great room, lots of free time and all I do is sit in my room and order room service?

So is Las Vegas everything it is cracked up to be? Yes, if your here with friends and family ready to take it all in and overindulge. If your here by yourself and missing your family, it really is just another business trip in just another city.

Big City, Bright Lights...Small room, nothing on TV!

I have a "Dream"

2009-03-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

Ok I know its a nuch bigger title than what I am writing about, but I do have a dream. I know its not much but my dream of owning a hot dog stand is getting closer. I am a true lover of hot dogs, and just love how the freedom and attitude that walking around in public enjoying a awesome hot dog makes you feel. It sounds goofy, but when your enjoying one of the first comfort foods invented, your feeling, well, comfortable! Its not going to make me rich but it will be a nice addition to my family income and it will be so enjoyable to push my "Dream" around the Salem/Keizer area and engaging people in there time of comfort! Deanies Wienies Hot Dog Co. is on its way, and hopefull we will be serving 100% all beef "Comforts in a Bun" soon to a sidewalk near you! Please vist my Deanies Wienies Blogspot with more information on my "Dream".

http://deanieswienies.blogspot.com/

Thankful for what I got

2009-03-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

Watching the news is not a very good way to start your day, it is filled with nothing but negative and depressing news. The world as we know it is in a downward spiral, the economy is in the toilet, unemployment is at an all time high, the war doesnt seem to have an end or a cause and there seems to be more and more crazy violence in our communities. With all this it is hard to sit around and feel sorry for yourself because your not watching tv on a big screen, or driving a nicer car, or going on big extravagant vacations. But it does make you feel blessed to have a job that is still giving bonuses and a regular salary, to have a car that is comfortable and runs great, and clothes on your back and food in your cupboards, and a family that is as awesome as mine. I know times are tough in the world but I do believe we will come out of it better than we were when we started. The tricky part is not to forget to be thankful for what we have now and not be greedy for what we cant!

Job 36:11
"If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment."

My life as an Obiese Man

2009-03-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking alot lately on how I came to be over 400 pounds. Did I over eat at a young age, did I eat all day an sit around watching TV, did my parents pass on bad eating habits to me, did my life revolve around food? Well, crap, the answer to all those questions is YES! I failed my body from the time I could feed myself. Did my parents help put me here, yes, but are they to blame, no. You are heavily influenced at early ages but by the time you are in middle school and high school, if your not morbidly obiese, you have many options to start taking care of yourself. I realize I just decided not to. I was lazy.

I was the smallest kid in my class up to 7th grade, by the time 8th grade rolled around I was the tallest and biggest. It was great! I loved being Big Dean, and still do. But I also could see the social issues at that age and did nothing about it. Clothes were hard to find, desks were hard to fit in, the jokes were coming, but the recognition was ther as Big Dean. As a freshman in high school I was 6'4" and about 270 pounds. I did not play any sports and was not active. I was just Big Dean. By the time I graduated high school I was 6'6" 310 pounds and a lettered 3 years in football. I hated to work out but loved playing the sport. I had multiple oppurtunities to play Division I Football in college but chose Community College, why? Because I was lazy, scared and not commited to football.

It wasnt until Community College did I start getting and understanding the health and fitness aspect of life and sports. My coach put me on a strict diet and workout program and I turned into the physical speciman that I now desire to be again. I was on my way to a Division I Scholarship to play football! I blew my knee out my sophmore year and was out. I transfered to Fresno State to finish out my college career and due to family obligations, I was married and we were expecting our first child, I had to drop out. I ballooned up to 365 pounds. I was back to sitting on the couch and overeating and not being active. My struggle with obiesity was back and stronger than ever.

I look back now and realize that it was so mental for me. I do believe I felt like a failure and just stopped caring about my own health. Since that time I have lost and gained more weight than I can even add up. I have weighed up to 465 pounds and down to 390 pounds. It has been a roller coaster of weight loss and gain, it wasnt until that last 6 months, now 37 years old, did it finally catch up to me medically.

I have never had high anything when it comes to blood pressure, cholesteral or blood sugars. I am now on blood pressure medications and have major back issues that could require surgery. All this from years of neglect on my body and health. I never thought that it would get to this point. I cant even think of not being able to see my grandkids, my own kids at important milestones in their life and just being with my wife on a daily basis. I cant let this just be another up and down in my history of weight loss attempts. This is bigger than just being "skinny", this is being "alive". I will conquer this and win this fight. I have too, its not an option this time. -265.36.XL

The prize is in my sights

2009-03-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

The thought of being at a size that I havent seen since 8th grade is still hard for me to imagine, but with my diet and exercise becoming easier and more enjoyable, everyday I can see the possiblities. Everyday I struggle with wanting to eat something I shouldnt, but each day it comes easier to say no. I do enjoy working out so that is not a problem and actually look forward to going to the gym.

I can feel my body getting healthier and I can see results in my body weight and size. I have such a desire to reach my goals and am so excited at the thought of 265lbs, 36 waist and a XL shirt. I love the way that sounds and it actually helps me to continue to write that sentence on a daily bases. It keeps the prize in sight, and the reality of my goals at the forefront of my mind.

I started this blog page in hopes of helping myself through expression but I also hope in someway I can help my family and the people around me with my personal example of what can be done out of hard work and pure determination. I will win and I will hold that prize over my head with pride in my accomplishments.

265lbs, 36 waist and a XL shirt...that is my prize and it is in my sights and it will be mine!

The fight continues and the battle rages on

2009-03-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

Today was week 8 in my quest to conquer my obiesity and I claimed victory for this weeks battle! I am down another 6 pounds for a total of 26. I have not won the fight but the small battles that will get me complete victory are being conquered. I have 144lbs left to go and alot more battles but my spirits are up.

I raised my caloric intake last week and did zero exercise to gage my body's reaction. So far it reacted well, 6 pounds is a good weekly loss number. This week I am going to add my 3 days a week exercise back in and see what my body's response will be. I just need to keep my eye on the prize, 265lbs, 36 waist and a XL shirt! Wow does that sound healthy, happy and damn sexy! Haha!

I have a weight loss schedule that puts me at my goal weight by November 15th. I know there will be ups and downs during this war but I believe that goal is very reachable. I also have a "mini goal" to be 340 by my 20 year high school reunion on July 11th. This will put me at a 100 pounds lost! What an exciting time, all the way around, if I can win that Fight!

This weeks battle begins today with the re-start of my exercise routine, so off to the gym I go.

Numbers 10:9
"When you go into battle in your own land against an enemy who is oppressing you, sound a blast on the trumpets. Then you will be remembered by the LORD your God and rescued from your enemies."

FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!

Only a man

2009-03-08T11:54:00.000-07:00

I used to live my life in fear
Was worried all the time
From waking up to laying down
I had no peace of mind
The world became a darkened place
A struggle without end
Although bitter times those were
The days that I had began to understand
I was only a man

I grew up singing songs in church
With questions in my mind
Then turned my back and ran away
From God who gave me life
Then one night his presence fell
I wept and shook and then
I fell down and cried, Dear Jesus, rescue me again
I understand I am only a man

And He said, What will it be now?
Will you choose me or keep swimming up stream now?
I've been inside your head hearing you scream out.
Well here I am, just take my hand and I'll take out
All of the pain and all of the fear
All of the fear

I'll give you my burdens (I'll give you peace)
All of my desires (I'll give you what you need)
Oh, what about these chains, Lord? (I'll set you free)
But they're so heavy (Lay them at my feet)
I'll lay them at your feet
Just promise you won't leave (I'll never leave)
So where do I go from here, Lord? (Just follow me)
(Just follow me)
I'll follow you (Just follow me) wherever you lead
Wherever you lead, wherever you lead

-Jonny Lang

What is marriage?

2009-03-07T19:08:00.000-08:00

Marriage is SADNESS...

when she leaves
when her hand is not there to touch yours
when she is all you can think of and cant have
when your cheering on your kids and she is not there to high five you
when your bed is cold and lonely
when you wake up and she is not there
when the house does not have her scent
when she says goodnight and is hundreds of miles away

Marriage is JOY...

when she comes home
when your hands touch and dont let go
when she is yours to have forever again
when she smiles at your words of praise for your kids
when your bed is filled with the warmth of her love
when you wake up to her beautiful face next to yours
when the house has her prescious scent flowing through the halls
when she says goodnight, your lips touch and your heart skips a beat

Marrige is PERFECT...

when your married to Her

My World

2009-03-06T11:32:00.000-08:00

My world is full of love, craziness and fun, and it consists of my wife, daughters and son.

My world gave me the love of my life, when I married my best friend and wife.

My world gave me the strength to be a father when I got my first daughter.

My world taught me integrity and how to have fun, the day I got my son.

My world gave me the joy in my heart, when I recieved my baby girl, the last part.

My world is my family, and they are a true blessing to me.

My Greatest Attributes

2009-03-05T12:42:00.000-08:00

As I sit in my chair in the living room looking out the window, I am thinking of the things in my life that I will be best remembered or known for. I am not a dynamic man, my actions are not well known in the community, I do not sit on boards or committies and havent done anything that would be acknowledable in the newspaper. But I am very happy and content with my life in the things that matter like relationships, trust, integrity, joy and love. So with that I answer my own question, I will be remembered and known for my greatest attributes, my family.

There is nothing that puts a smile on my face more than the oppurtunity to boast about my family! I have been married to my high school sweetheart and best friend for 18 years, I have 3 amazing kids that I live to make happy. They are what I will be remembered and known for in my life, and that is better than any award, newspaper artcle or prize I could ever imagine.

My oldest is 17 and she has the strength and courage of a lion. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 10 years old. It was the worst week of my life, we were at the hospital for 7 days trying to get her health under control. Since then she has had to deal with this disease and will have to for the rest of her life. She asks for no help and doesnt make excuses, she doesnt want sympathy and does not use it as a crutch in any way. It is a constant battle but she takes it head on better than anyone I know could ever do it. She works with middle school kids in two different youth groups while still making time to be involved in two of her own high school youth groups. She maintains a 3.2 GPA and has a deep relationship with Christ that she can call her very own. She is truly an amazing young woman and the true definition of STRENGTH!

My son is 13 and is the epitomy of heart and integrity. He truly is a man of high morals with the heart of a warrior. When he was just 5 years old he saw the news reports of the 9/11 tragedies and was very interested in what was going on. He used to watch the news and ask questions during the entire report. He has true feelings of admiration and gratitude for the men and women who died trying to rescue the victims of 9/11 and who continue to fight and die for our freedom. He has the dream of attending a military academy, playing football for them and serving his country out of what he describes is his duty as an American. He wants to make sure that all americans have the right to worship our Lord and Savior without fear just as he has done his entire life. He is truly an amazing young man and the true definition of COURAGE!

My youngest is 8 soon to be 9 and is my baby girl. She is very independent and strong willed. Sometimes this is a battle but these are traits that will allow her to someday be the strong christain women that God wants her to be. She is a mommy's girl and I love that about her. She loves life and doesnt need anybody with her to enjoy it. She makes me smile and brings happiness to my heart. I am a better person because she is in my life. She is truly an amazing little girl and the true definition of JOY!

My best friend and wife is the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I dream at night. She has made me a better man from the day that I met her. She grows more beautiful by the day and it makes me wonder why God blessed me with her. She is the reason why I smile, the reason why I laugh and the reason why I live. If you look at the descriptions of my kids you will see her in each one. She is part STRENGTH, COURAGE and JOY, and when combined you get her. She is truly an amazing woman and the true definition of LOVE!

Is it an Obsession? I think so!

2009-03-04T10:37:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up with a 102 degree temperature and the chills. I feel horrible, and the aches are takeing over my body, and at my size that is a lot of aches! But as I lay here shivering and feeling horrible all I can think about is that I am going to miss my workout, or am I? WHAT! I have a 102 degree temp and I am thinking of ways to get to the gym to fufill my personal vandetta against my obiesity. Is it an Obsession? I think so.

If you knew me, since my high school days you would know that this is not me. If I had this obsession then I would have spent many years in the NFL. I have always hated to work out, I have never had a drive to excercise, hello i am 415lbs and have been up to 455lbs. So this is a little strange to have these feelings of I MUST GET TO THE GYM! My previous post talked about my anger about my current weight loss results. I am starting to believe that I might be starving my body of nutrients and in return it is storing them which is making me not loose wieght. I have worked out every day for 18 days straight burning from 750 cal to 1200 cal a day but only allowing my body to take in 1800. Is it an Obsession? I think so. But it is one that I think I can mold into a positive attitude toward my health and fitness.

I have decided to workout only MWF and up my caloric intake to 2200 cal a day. I will monitor the effects of this change and hopefully have better results next Monday when I weigh in. I am Big Dean and I always will be, but at 6' 7" and 265lbs I will be Big Healthy and Long Living Dean. Is it an Obsession? It has to be if I am going to win the battle of the bulge.

Im Pissed!

2009-03-03T12:40:00.000-08:00

Well today was day 21 on my "Lifestyle" change(food and exercise) and I have only lost 15lbs. I weighed 430lbs on day one and today I was 415. I have worked out every day, including the weekends minus one week when I was out of town, and have kept my calories from 1800 to 2200 a day. I am getting very discouraged with the process.
Dont get me wrong, I am not quitting this time. I have done the yo-yo thing since I stopped playing football in college and my health has paid the price. I am determined to get to a healthy weight and stay there. I need to see my kids grow into husbands and wives, parents and grand parents. Most of all I need to grow old with my beautiful wife. And I will.
I weigh 415lbs and am 6' 7" tall. I will never be small, but I have never been small so thats ok, in fact I love being the "Big Guy", its who I am. But I can be Big and not Huge! I am shooting for 265lbs, wow I like the way it sounds and I must keep that perspective. In the meantime I keep this in my mind...

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength. " Phil 4:13

Hello Bloggers...

2009-03-03T08:39:00.000-08:00

Wow, It was not that long ago that I made fun of some friends of mine when they started "blogging", now I am starting my own. I read a blog today that really inspired me to, well, start a blog! I am not a good writer, I am not a educated man and I hate to read, but I do like to listen to people that have a valid point. I am sure my blog will some how resemble episodes of Sienfeld, a blog about nothing, but it will be great to write about, well whatever I want! I hope I can keep writing on here daily but we shall see. Have a great day and enjoy!