Only a Man

Monday, November 7, 2016

The battle rages on...

   Its been about 4 months since my last post, and a lot has happened in my life. I was blessed to marry off my oldest daughter to a great young man that will take care of her both spiritually and emotionally. I am in the process of expanding our business to a full time and hopefully successful venture and sadly I also laid to rest my idol and mentor, my father.

   As you can see the emotions have been up and down over these last few months but through it all my wife and best friend has had my back and been the support most could ever dream of. My weight and exercise has fluctuated in dedication throughout all of this but I have also found a new love of nutrition. I am currently juicing, on a no dairy, sugar and white flour vegi based diet. I am down to 389lbs and feeling like I am back on track.

   I am on track to hit my first 100lbs lost by Thanksgiving and my goal weight by my 46th birthday. As I reflect on this whole last year I can honestly say that you have to keep battling no matter what the circumstances are. You might lose a few but if you keep getting up and dusting yourself off you will win the war! I am currently charging the front lines with my weapons held high, fight on!  

-265.36.XL

Thursday, July 28, 2016

hey whats up?

Its been awhile since I posted, but a little update. I am still hovering around that 400lbs mark, starting to get back into my diet and exercise after being committed about 75% over the last 3 months. When life comes at you, get in a good 3 point stance and hit it below the belly button. Sometimes it wins and sometimes it doesn't. I have 140lbs to go and there is no date to get there by as long as I am moving forward to get there.

I ran my very first Triathlon on my 45th birthday and it was amazing, hard, scary and extremely rewarding. I am shooting to do another one on September 10th, so keep me in your prayers. I feel good and am healthier than I have been in a while but I still need to drop the pounds. With my eye on the prize I continue to fight!  -265.36.XL

Monday, March 21, 2016

milestone achieved...

Well the war continues to be fierce, but I have won a small battle along the way. I have weighed in below the 400lb mark for the first time in 7 years. It is a great feeling to achieve these little goals along the way in my quest to get to 265lbs. It helps to reinvigorate my desire and my drive to keep on keeping on. I still have my ups and downs but I continue to see the real life aspect of my lifestyle change and it helps me to see that not only can I achieve my final goal but I will be able to sustain it for the first time in my life. No Challenge, No Change.  -265.36.XL

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

health, happiness and satisfaction...

Its been a while since I have written on here, but as I continue to battle with my obesity it just gets clearer and clearer thats its not just a "diet" or a single challenge, its a lifestyle. In the 17 weeks that I have been on this journey I have had many peaks and valleys in regards to success. In the beginning I had a lot of excitement due to my success, but the success has not diminished but the overall excitement has. Now dont read this wrong, I'm am still very excited at my results and I still have a long way to go to reach my goals, thats just it, once I reach my goals its still not over. I have come to understand and really grasp the significance of this battle that I am in with my obesity. It is and will always be a battle, there is no end, its not like when I reach my goal the war is over. I battle everyday to eat right, hit the gym, go above and beyond, reach goals, set new goals and just continue to look ahead. I have set backs, but instead of wallowing in disappointment, I brush it off and start over. I am down 71 pounds, I have 133 lbs to go to reach what I think my goal weight is. I really dont know, I havent weighed my goal weight since I was a Freshman in high school. I might need to weigh less or I might want to bulk up in the muscle area which means I could weigh more. I am on this journey as a man in search of health, happiness and satisfaction. I have already found the first two, I'm determined to find the latter. I am not satisfied with my results yet but I know if I keep going the direction I am going I will have it and I just have to enjoy my journey along the way. If it doesnt challenge me, it wont change me.  -265.36.XL

Ecclesiastes 3:13
That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.

Monday, February 29, 2016

a new way of life...

As I start my 15th week of this battle with obesity, I have lost 63 lbs. This is a lot of weight and I am very proud of my accomplishments, but as the dust settles on all the hype of the first few weeks I have come to the realization that this is not a race or a game but a new way of life. Its a struggle to do the right thing everyday in this battle. And honestly I do not win everyday. Some days the struggle wins, but I regroup and I come back even harder hence I am continuing to lose the weight. But it is the realization that there is not a end to this battle. Once I get to my goal weight its not like I get to just be done with my fight. It is and will be a lifelong battle to keep this weight off and I will always be fighting. With that said, I am ready, I train hard everyday, I push myself further and further, I am a warrior and I will continue to win this war. Today starts week 15 and my short term goal is to be under 400 by the end of the week, I am currently 408lbs, I have not seen 399 in over 6 years! If it doesnt challenge me, it wont change me!  -265.36.XL


Friday, February 19, 2016

good days and bad days...

When you have a long battle ahead of you there are weeks that you dont want to fight anymore, you just want to lay on the couch and eat a bag of cheetos and eat a drumstick ice cream. Ummmm well I did that this week, I have missed 2 days of working out and just feel blah. It gets scary when I look back at my history and this is the time when I go back to old habits and implode. But not this time. I had a bad week, gained a couple pounds and went off the wagon. Today, I will be in the gym twice and today is my restart date. I have no longer lost 50+ pounds, I have lost 0 pounds and am starting over. Its time to have that feeling of excitement and kick ass attitude back. Look for big losses this week, because im chewing gum and kicking ass, and Im all out of gum! -265.36.XL

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

keep on moving...

    In these last 11 weeks I have come across multiple people fighting the same fight as me. The response I have been getting from those that have read my blog is very humbling. You dont really realize that people are fighting the same battles and going through the same struggles as you are if you dont put it out there. Even though my battle is mine, I get great strength from hearing positive feedback from people who are inspired by my journey or who have advice for me in my battles. I am going into my 11th week and I surpassed 50 lbs lost 2 weeks earlier than I had hoped. I have been able to stretch my exercise to a new realm that I didnt think I would be able to for a while longer, i have started to distance run. I have ran 2-3 miles a week and averaging about 14 min miles. I have found a calorie intake to calorie output ratio that has really helped me to lose weight and I am feeling great. I will continue to battle my war on obesity and I will win. I am working on my 2nd 50lbs lost and will soon be under 400lbs for the first time in 7 years. Keeping my eye on the prize! -265.36.XL

"The first step toward getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are"         - Leonardo de Vinci

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

striving to be the best I can be...

It is week 11 of my war on my obesity and I feel great. I have conquered some demons of the past this week and have a real excited outlook for the future of my health. I ran 2.5 miles on Monday, I averaged about a 16 minute mile. To most this is what they could probably walk a mile in but for me it was crazy fast compared to where I came from. The legendary Coach John Wooden coined the phrase "competitive greatness". His definition of this phrase is striving to be the best we can be, not trying to be the best of all time. This is a reminder for me when I start looking at the negatives of my "stats" in this war im in. The key to my success is to Be Prepared, Be Disciplined and to Be Focused. This is how I will win the war! Keeping my eye on the prize! -265.36.XL

"Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength" Ephesians 6:10

Monday, February 1, 2016

I have taken lifes best punch, and gotten up swinging...

I have won a battle! Saturday I ran for the first time in 3 years. As most of you know I hurt my back about 3 years ago and lost the movement in my left foot due to nerve damage. My foot has been paralyzed since then and I struggle to just walk without tripping and falling due to it just hanging there when i pick my leg up. This in return makes me walk funny and very slow so I dont fall. After my back surgery 2 years ago the doctors hoped the nerves would heal and I would get the use of my foot back but the damage was done and I deal with it. I was given a brace that was supposed to help with walking but since my foot is a size 17 the brace was well not acceptable and I never used it. I tried a few times but the pain it caused was not worth it, I would take my chances and fall a couple times a week. It never injured me and was a great comedic relief for that day because when a man that is 6'7" and 450 lbs falls, it is an event! But any way a couple months ago I got fitted for a custom brace that was made just for my foot. I tried it briefly a couple times and was not impressed and it still hurt my foot, so I shelved it again and said screw it. But as I continue to battle my obesity and work towards my goal of the Sprint Triathlon on July 23rd, I realized I have to be able to start training to run and I cant do it without something to control my paralyzed foot. So Saturday I bit the bullet strapped on the brace and worked through the pain, which only lasted a little bit once my foot got acclimated. I ran for about 30 minutes and played basketball (by myself) and was in pure heaven feeling like I had no restrictions to my health. I have dealt with this semi-disability for 3 years and now I feel there is nothing holding me back from completing my goals. If it doesnt challenge me, it wont change me. I am changing everyday, and everyday its a challenge. But I keep my eye on the prize and I pick myself up and dust myself off every time I fall to just work harder than the last time. Here is a quote from one of my favorite movies, Rocky Balboa. Words to live by.


"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not point fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!”

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

perseverance is the key to survival...

  As I head into week 10, I can see major results, I have lost 49 lbs and have been able to enjoy special meals, desserts and other functions without losing my mind. Looking ahead and planning my day out each day helps me to fight any major over eating or missed workouts. I reflect back on other diets (wars) and I see the success I had all to fail so hard when there was a bump in the road. The difference this time is that I put more effort into planning for the bumps so getting back on the bike is so easy I dont stress the fall. I will win this war no matter the small bumps or fails I encounter. If it doesnt challenge me, it wont change me. - 265.36.XL

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

dont let your history be your destiny...

   As I have stated before, my battle with obesity has raged on for years. I have won many battles but in the end I have lost every war. I have lost 50, 100 and even 150 lbs before, to just gain all and more back. I question every day, what if I lose all this weight and gain it all back again like I have done every time before? Its a daunting question and my history is always in the back of my mind and fills me with doubt.
   All I can say to that is, dont let your history be your destiny. Its in every one of us to make the right decisions and forge a new path. Our history doesnt do that for us. At some point I have to decide to not go back, I have to decide this is a way of life not just a diet. I have to decide I am ready to change. My obesity is a choice that I have to make every day to battle or give up. This is not going to go away. Some days will be easy and exciting and others will suck and make me want to hide in a corner. But in the end I have to want the change more than I fear the pain of the challenge. If it doesnt challenge me, it wont change me. This is my life, a constant battle and this time my history will not be my destiny, this time I will win the war. Because I look forward to the pain of the challenge, so I can bask in the glory of the change. Keep your eye on the prize.   -265.36.XL

Monday, January 18, 2016

A life lived out loud...

  As I lay here in bed I reflect on my life, as a son, as a friend, as a brother, as a father, as a husband, and I think how will people remember me. Did I show grace to all, did I love the unloved, did I reach out a hand when a hand reached out to me for help, did I make people laugh, did I worry more about what others thought of me than doing what was right, do I make people better for me just being me? Today I witnessed a life of a young man that you can say yes to all these. His life, 19 years short, is a inspiration to me to live my life out loud. To have no regrets, no reserve and no restrictions. He was a young man that was admired by all, not just a few. He is a role model for the young and old alike to stop in there tracks and reevaluate how your walking in life. Cam Johnson was taken from us as a 19 year old man, but had lived a lifetime in the amount of people he had touched and inspired. I wish I knew him better, deeper and longer. He has shown me in his 19 years how I wish I was in my 44. But today I challenge myself to be more like Cam. I will love better, I will listen better, I will laugh more and worry less. I will stop and look at the stars just to look at the stars. I will be a better man, a better friend, a better son, a better brother, a better father and a better husband. I can only hope to asipre to be a man of such character and inspiration as Cam Johnson. Tonight his family and friends still hurt for the loss they feel but he sings for the joy that he has recieved in Heaven. Much love to Rob, Marci, Maddi and Cooper.

"God didnt promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way"

there is always a way out...

   Temptation in life to do the wrong thing is always surrounding us, whether it is the option to break the law or eat a donut, its there. But there is also always an option to do the right thing, always. It might be harder, or the choice might hurt, or it might just not be what you want to do, but the option is always there. In my fight with obesity I have just recently accepted the truth that it is all my choice. Its my choice to go into a workout with a good attitude, to go out to dinner with friends with the thought of I will find the best caloric option on the menu. There is always a way out of the bad choice. It is very challenging to make that choice most of the time, its just our sinful nature as humans. I have to want the long term results of my good choices more than the immediate pleasures of the bad options. This is a daily, minute by minute, hour by hour struggle. But I will continue to fight this fight as I echo the words, if it doesn't challenge me, it wont change me, I want the change more than I fear the pain of the challenge. Bring it on! -265.36.XL

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humanity. God is faithful, and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape, so that you are able to bear it.

Friday, January 15, 2016

The prison that is obesity...

 
  As an obese man, I have had to live in my self made prison for many years. I have overcome obstacles in order to achieve certain tasks but even with that they were just band aids. As an obese man you encounter many "red light" circumstances in your life that you always keep a look out for. Skinny seats at the movie theater, flimsy plastic chairs at outdoor events, asking for seat belt extenders on airplanes before you sit down not to bring attention, booths at restaurants that are hard mounted and dont move, ladders with weight limits, the list goes on and on. All these cases are an everyday issue that as a obese man I have to think about constantly.
   As I approach my first 50 lbs lost, I am realizing that this prison that I have made for myself all these years is beginning to open up and set me free. I have already noticed cases where I am worried about fitting or over extending the weight limit on I am now not worrying about. The thought of the freedom I will have when I have lost my first 100 lbs, 150 lbs or my total of 205 lbs is enough to make me cry. Freedom from chains that have burdened me for most of my life, gone laying at my feet, with nothing but living and enjoying life like it is meant to be. This is what freedom from my self induced prison of obesity will feel like to me. And this is what keeps my eye on the prize.  -265.36.XL

"if it doest challenge you, it wont change you"

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Attitude is everything...

   Yesterday at the gym I was still pretty amped over the phrase I had adopted, "if it doesn't challenge you, it wont change you", and so as I was on the elliptical coming up on my final seconds of my 45 minute session, I was like "lets push it a little". I ended up doing 60 minutes, over 1100 calories burned and my legs having a good burn. I thought how mental this game is. My attitude was so different than the day before but because I was so charged up mentally, I was able to push farther than before. It makes me think of a family motto that my wife always tells my kids when there mad about something. "Choose happy", its simple but there is so much truth to it. Only you have the power to have a bad attitude. Sometimes it feels like its out of our control, but its not. It just might be hard to overcome it, but as we are learning together... if it doesn't challenge you, it wont change you!  -265.36.XL

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always! Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

If it doesnt challenge you, it wont change you...

   So I made it through the holidays with some yo-yo results in my weight loss but in the end I kept moving forward and never quit. I am over 40 lbs lost and on my way to my first 50 before my original milestone date I had set for myself. I feel good and the support I get from my friends and family is unwavering.
    I was listening to the radio this morning and I heard a lady call in and talk about a saying that helps her through her own personal battles with obesity, It was kinda weird that of all the morning radio shows there are, I happened to be listening to one where a random listener called in to talk about her success in her battle with health and weight loss, coincidence, um I don't think so. Anyway she said that she goes to the gym and through out the day with the saying, "if it doesnt challenge you, it wont change you". I was floored, it was so simple yet so empowering. I am personally trying to change my health and in many ways my way of life to be better. Here is a saying that if I am doing something and it doesn't challenge me in the process of doing it, will it actually help me to change that part of my life? And I believe the answer is no.
    So I now am challenging myself, in all that I do. Is it challenging to get on the elliptical and burn off 45 min and 900 calories, yes it is. Check! Is it challenging to eat right and not eat bad, yes it is. Check. But now lets move this in other aspects of life. Is it challenging for me to open my bible everyday and read a devotion, Im busy, im tired, I dont have time, the excuses are limitless. So yes it is challenging. So, Check! The lists are endless. So I must use this question everyday to keep focused on my goals to be a better man, friend, father and husband, not only a better me.
    So I give this to you, if it doesn't challenge you, it wont change you. Take the challenge and embrace the change to be better in all ways and keep your eyes on the prize.  -265.36.XL

2 Timothy 3:16-17
  All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching the truth, rebuking error, correting faults, and giving instruction for right living, so that the person who serves God may be fully qualified and equipped to do every kind of good deed.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

The joy is back in my excercise!

It has been a longtime since I have been able to exercise without pain and also to just enjoy the actual process of putting out the effort of exercising. I am finally to that point, now its time to crank up the gears and go for broke. I am 436 pounds, I cant wait until I am 400, 350, or 300, or 280, just think how I will feel. I cant wait! I am 15 pounds away from my first 50 pounds lost, and the joy is back in my exercise program. Remember, 265.36.XL is not a dream, or a hope, or a wish, but a prize for my reality and I am getting closer everyday.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Holiday battle...

So I barely got through Christmas with out gaining weight, I did not heed my own advice and document everything I put in my mouth, instead I grazed all day on everything! I was not able to work out on Christmas Day but did workout 2 a day after, I came out even for the week. After the binge eating I did on Christmas Day, I call it a win! My biggest success though was acknowledging what I had to do and getting my ass to the gym twice a day to counter act my day of gluteny. I feel good and will put in 2 a days this week leading up to New Years since I will be gone for 4 days without the opportunity of going to the gym. Just trying to stay on the right side of my weight loss during this holiday season.  Just keeping my eye on the prize! -265.36.XL

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Power through...

As I travel along in this journey I find myself hitting speed bumps along the way. I believe that in the past these speed bumps are what in the end have caused me to veer of my path of success. These speed bumps come in all sizes weather it be special events, family issues, schedules or in these next two weeks, holidays. You have to be honest with yourself and know that your plan will be messed up a little during these times. But you have the power to reign in the horses when they start to get a little out of control. I am dedicated to working out 6 out of the 7 days a week, and I usually go twice on Sunday to make up for the day that I missed. But I also know this is not going to happen during these next two weeks, I have to mentally prepare for this and not let it completely through me off and start any bad habits. I also know that im not going to stick 100% to my diet plan either, but I will document everything that goes into my mouth so I can see my calorie intake, and I will be aware of it. Out of sight, out of mind is not a good thing when it comes to counting calories. At least I will be aware and that will help me to know when 1 more cookie or piece of pie is probably not a good idea. Im praying for all you that are going through a journey like mine, just keep your eye on the prize and keep powering through theses next two weeks. The results will be a feeling of control over your weakness and in my instance another win in my battle with obesity.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

My Greatest Attributes

As I sit in my chair at work, I am thinking of the things in my life that I will be best remembered or known for. I am not a dynamic man, my actions are not well known in the community, I do not sit on boards or committees and haven't done anything that would be acknowledged in the newspaper. But I am very happy and content with my life in the things that matter like relationships, trust, integrity, joy and love. So with that I answer my own question, I will be remembered and known for my greatest attributes, my family.

There is nothing that puts a smile on my face more than the opportunity to boast about my family! I have been married to my high school sweetheart and best friend for almost 25 years, I have 3 amazing kids that I live to make happy. They are what I will be remembered and known for in my life, and that is better than any award, newspaper article or prize I could ever imagine.

My oldest is 23 and she has the strength and courage of a lion. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 10 years old and cardiomyopathy when she was 22. It was the worst times of my life, we were at the hospital for days trying to get her health under control. Since then she has had to deal with this disease and will have to for the rest of her life. She asks for no help and doesn't make excuses, she doesn't want sympathy and does not use it as a crutch in any way. It is a constant battle but she takes it head on better than anyone I know could ever do it. She works with children and strives to make this world a better place and has a deep relationship with Christ that she can call her very own. She is truly an amazing young woman and the true definition of STRENGTH!

My son is 20 and is the epitome of heart and integrity. He truly is a man of character with the heart of a warrior. He has always had a servants heart and a leader by nature. He is studying to become a English teacher and coach. He has had to deal with so much adversity in his life already but has triumphed through it all. He is truly an amazing young man that loves Christ and the true definition of COURAGE!

My youngest is 15 and is my baby girl. She is very independent and strong willed. Sometimes this is a battle but these are traits that will allow her to someday be the strong Christian women that God wants her to be. She is a daddy's girl and I love that about her. She loves life and doesn't need anybody with her to enjoy it. She makes me smile and brings happiness to my heart. I am a better person because she is in my life. She is truly an amazing little girl and the true definition of JOY!

My best friend and wife is the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I dream at night. She has made me a better man from the day that I met her. She grows more beautiful by the day and it makes me wonder why God blessed me with her. She is the reason why I smile, the reason why I laugh and the reason why I live. If you look at the descriptions of my kids you will see her in each one. She is part STRENGTH, COURAGE and JOY, and when combined you get her. She is truly an amazing woman and the true definition of LOVE!

Monday, December 21, 2015

The prize is in my sights

The thought of being at a size that I havent seen since 8th grade is still hard for me to imagine, but with my diet and exercise becoming easier and more enjoyable, everyday I can see the possiblities. Everyday I struggle with wanting to eat something I shouldnt, but each day it comes easier to say no. I do enjoy working out so that is not a problem and actually look forward to going to the gym.

I can feel my body getting healthier and I can see results in my body weight and size. I have such a desire to reach my goals and am so excited at the thought of 265lbs, 36 waist and a XL shirt. I love the way that sounds and it actually helps me to continue to write that sentence on a daily bases. It keeps the prize in sight, and the reality of my goals at the forefront of my mind.

I started this blog page in hopes of helping myself through expression but I also hope in someway I can help my family and the people around me with my personal example of what can be done out of hard work and pure determination. I will win and I will hold that prize over my head with pride in my accomplishments.

265lbs, 36 waist and a XL shirt...that is my prize and it is in my sights and it will be mine!

Thursday, December 17, 2015

The War rages on...

I sometimes think, am I really going to reach my goal of 265lbs? I do doubt myself almost everyday, even after I weigh in and bust my butt in the gym to see the pounds continue to come off. I have very high self esteem, even at my biggest point in my weight. But I do continue to doubt that I will see 265lbs. I believe that the reason why is that I have done all this before, lost alot of weight, been convicted and strong in my drive, but all to just go back at 100mph.

So as I got on the scale today and saw that I did meet my weekly goal again, I still have the doubt and the fear of this all just being another phase in my life and it will all go back to the way it was, sore, super heavy, tired, hard to find clothes, cant ride that amusement park ride with my kids, need a seat belt extention for the plane flight, blood pressure pills, sweat tying my shoes, cant reach my shoes, hard to get out of bed, fear of death at an early age, not seeing my grandkids, sex not as fun, just flat out worthless! But then I think, F-THAT!!! Never again will those phrases describe me! I am working my ass off in the gym, I am eating what I am supposed to and the amounts I am supposed to and I am not on any medications!

The old me will never see the light of day again and the new me continues to be re-defined in my health and fitness. My war on my obiesity rages on and especially in my doubts, but let it be known that I am here for the long haul and nothing will stand in my way! I will always be Big Dean but I am done with Obiese Dean! -265.36.XL is not a dream but a reality!

"If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties" -Francis Bacon

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

The fight continues and the battle rages on

Im in week 7 in my quest to conquer my obesity and I continue to claim victory in this battle! I am already down another 3 pounds for a total of 28. I have not won the fight but the small battles that will get me complete victory are being conquered. I have 178lbs left to go and alot more battles but my spirits are up.

I raised my exercise amounts last week and to gage my body's reaction. So far it reacted well, 3 pounds in 3 days are good results. I will continue the rest of the week with this intense workout regimen to get ready for the holiday weeks that are coming. I just need to keep my eye on the prize, 265lbs, 36 waist and a XL shirt! Wow does that sound healthy and happy!

I have a weight loss schedule that puts me at my goal weight by Feburary 3rd of 2017. I know there will be ups and downs during this war but I believe that goal is very reachable. I also have a "mini goal" to 421 by the New Year. This will put me at my first 50 pounds lost over a month ahead of schedule! What an exciting time, all the way around it will be when I when this fight!

Numbers 10:9
"When you go into battle in your own land against an enemy who is oppressing you, sound a blast on the trumpets. Then you will be remembered by the LORD your God and rescued from your enemies."

FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!

Monday, December 14, 2015

V is for Victory!

As a warrior in my personal battle against obesity, I feel very invincible right now. I know I cant let my guard down or get to sure of myself but I do feel like I am finally getting the upper hand in this war. I have found a calorie to exercise ratio that seems to have me dropping about a pound a day right now. I am on schedule to hit my first 50 lbs loss marker on the 12th of February! I am so excited, I am being very strong in my will power and my dedication to being at the gym as much as I need to be. I am feeling good and enjoying myself in the meantime. I know God is empowering me and giving me the desire to fight hard and I thank him daily. I know without Him I would not be winning these little battles and without Him I would have no chance of Victory!

Exodus 15:2
"The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him."

Friday, December 11, 2015

Finding my strength...

 In my continued fight to beat my battle with obesity, I have come to crossroad after crossroad with the same outcome...I keep choosing the wrong direction. I have struggled to keep on task and I keep going back to my bad habits. Its like living out the movie of Ground Hog Day. My health had continued to deteriorate and I had continued to let it. But today I again vow to win this battle and as I look at every new day I have to keep focused on the only strength that will get me through this, and that is the strength of Jesus. I opened my Bible to start off with some needed words of strength from my God and what I found will now be my verse for the duration of my battle!

"Therefore since we also have such a large crowd of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus..." Hebrews 12:1

Points taken from this verse;
   1. Surround myself with people who will keep me accountable.
   2. lose the weight and sin that consumes my life.
   3. work hard and be determined to win the battle ahead of you.
   4. Do all of these things with your eye on the prize!

It is incredible how Jesus talks to us if we just shut up and listen!

Keep your eye on the prize!

-265.36.XL

Thursday, December 10, 2015

My Weight Log...

To keep the accountability real I will be updating this post every week so I can share my wins and my losses, because I must be able to overcome the bad while celebrating the good!

11/27/15     471 lbs
12/4/15       460 lbs
12/11/15     452 lbs
12/18/15     442 lbs
12/25/15     439 lbs
1/1/16         431 lbs
1/8/16         440 lbs
1/15/16       427 lbs
1/22/16       422 lbs
1/29/16       423 lbs
2/5/16         419 lbs
2/12/16       414 lbs  This is where I hope to hit 50lbs lost
2/19/16       414 lbs
2/26/16       408 lbs
3/4/16         407 lbs
3/11/16       404 lbs
3/18/16       398 lbs
3/25/16       398 lbs
4/1/16         395 lbs
4/8/15         3?? lbs  This is where I hope to break into the 300's!!!
4/15/16       3?? lbs
4/22/16       3?? lbs
4/29/16       3?? lbs
5/6/16         3?? lbs
5/13/16       3?? lbs
5/20/16       3?? lbs
5/27/16       3?? lbs
6/3/16         3?? lbs
6/10/16       3?? lbs  This is where I hope to hit 100lbs lost
6/17/16       3?? lbs
6/24/16       3?? lbs
7/1/15         3?? lbs
7/8/16         3?? lbs
7/15/16       3?? lbs
7/22/16       3?? lbs
7/29/16       3?? lbs
8/5/16         3?? lbs
8/12/16       3?? lbs
8/19/16       3?? lbs
8/26/16       3?? lbs
9/2/16         3?? lbs
9/9/16         3?? lbs
9/16/16       3?? lbs
9/23/16       3?? lbs
9/30/16       3?? lbs
10/7/16       3?? lbs  This is where I hope to hit 150lbs lost
10/14/16     3?? lbs
10/21/16     3?? lbs
10/28/16     3?? lbs
11/4/16       3?? lbs
11/11/16     3?? lbs
11/18/16     3?? lbs
11/25/16     2?? lbs  This is where I hope to break into the 200's!!!
12/2/16       2?? lbs
12/9/16       2?? lbs
12/16/16     2?? lbs
12/23/16     2?? lbs
12/30/16     2?? lbs
1/6/17         2?? lbs
1/13/17       2?? lbs
1/20/17       2?? lbs
1/27/17       2?? lbs  This is where I hope to hit 200lbs lost
2/3/17         2?? lbs
2/10/17       2?? lbs
2/17/17       265 lbs This is where I hope to hit my goal weight!!!

The struggle is real...

 I struggle to understand how I can be motivated one day and then give up the next. My obesity consumes my life, it controls almost everything I do daily (or cant do). 6 weeks ago I found myself weighing in at 471 lbs, the largest in my life, and then I look at pictures from 7 summers ago and I was 305 lbs and in the best condition of my life after losing 152 lbs and I desire to get back to that level of dedication. I have once again started to try and get my health in order and under control. I have been on my program for a few weeks and everything is going awesome, but that nagging reminder of how many times I have done this before and failed miserably haunts me. I have always had my faith, the love and support from my family and friends but for some reason just cant seem to stay on the bike that I have so fiercely fell off so many times. I have to always look at the big picture, I will win my battle with obesity and I will be here for my friends and family for the long haul.

   All I can say is please continue to pray for me, support me and encourage me. For I have a lot of fight in me and am searching for a way to unleash it on this obstacle. I do know that writing on here seems to help me and keep my fight in the front of my mind and the accountability feels great. I am going to try and post on here weekly with my ups and downs and my weigh ins. I just have to remember to keep my eye on the prize.   -265.36.XL

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

My life as an Obese Man

I have been thinking alot lately on how I came to be over 450 pounds. Did I over eat at a young age, did I eat all day an sit around watching TV, did my parents pass on bad eating habits to me, did my life revolve around food? Well, crap, the answer to all those questions is YES! I failed my body from the time I could feed myself. Did my parents help put me here, yes, but are they to blame, no. You are heavily influenced at early ages but by the time you are in middle school and high school, if your not morbidly obese, you have many options to start taking care of yourself. I realize I just decided not to. I was lazy.

I was the smallest kid in my class up to 6th grade, by the time 8th grade rolled around I was the tallest and biggest. It was great! I loved being Big Dean, and still do. But I also could see the social issues at that age and did nothing about it. Clothes were hard to find, desks were hard to fit in, the jokes were coming, but the recognition was there as Big Dean. As a freshman in high school I was 6'4" and about 265 pounds. I did not play any sports and was not active. I was just Big Dean. By the time I graduated high school I was 6'7" 315 pounds and a lettered 3 years in football. I hated to work out but loved playing the sport. I had multiple opportunities to play Division I Football in college but chose Community College, why? Because I was lazy, scared and not committed.


It wasn't until Community College did I start getting and understanding the health and fitness aspect of life and sports. My coach put me on a strict diet and workout program and I turned into the physical specimen that I now desire to be again. I was on my way to a Division I Scholarship to play football! I blew my knee out my sophomore year and was out. I transferred to Fresno State to finish out my college career and due to family obligations, I was married and we were expecting our first child, I had to drop out. I ballooned up to 365 pounds. I was back to sitting on the couch and overeating and not being active. My struggle with obesity was back and stronger than ever.


I look back now and realize that it is so mental for me. I do believe I felt like a failure and just stopped caring about my own health. Since that time I have lost and gained more weight than I can even add up. I have weighed up to 475 pounds and down to 300 pounds. It has been a roller coaster of weight loss and gain, it wasn't until that last 2 years, now 44 years old, did it finally catch up to me medically.


I have never had high anything when it comes to blood pressure, cholesterol or blood sugars. I am now fighting to stay off blood pressure medications and am still recovering from major back surgery issues. All this from years of neglect on my body and health. I never thought that it would get to this point. I cant even think of not being able to see my grand kids, my own kids at important milestones in their life and just being with my wife on a daily basis. I cant let this just be another up and down in my history of weight loss attempts. This is bigger than just being "skinny", this is about being "alive". I will conquer this and win this fight. I have too, its not an option this time. -265.36.XL

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Lay your chains at his feet...

Life is funny, somedays are so easy and so productive all the while with a great attitude, but then there are those days that you feel like you are just overwhelmed and weighted down with your "chains" of burden. Its hard to shake these chains off and you just want to stop and fall to the ground to give yourself some relief.

This is the times that I have recently found that God wants to bless you abundantly! He allows these times of trials to let you seek Him for your relief and not yourself. He wants you to dig down deep and find the strength to power on through for Him. With all the financial, personal and worldly issues that we all have to deal with on a daily basis, we need to seek Him and we will get through it. The hard part is to remember this during our struggles.

In my battle against my obesity, I have found that there are many valleys and peaks and I have gone through them all. But during my low times I know that I recover quicker and get back on track when I seek Him for the strength I need. This also goes for financial issues, when I seek Him the stress seems to dwindle and the answers come quicker.

Please listen to my blog page song, "Only a Man", it has a truly inspiring message.
Time for a change...

  I have been a "big guy" since I was a 6th grader. I was the smallest little dude in school up to my 6th grade year. I skipped shoe sizes and went through clothe sizes like the Tasmanian Devil during that year. When I was a freshman in high school I was 6'4" 265lbs, I graduated at 6'7" 315lbs. I have always been known as "Big Dean", which I love dearly. It carried me through my college football years and was and is a huge part of me. But over the years I have struggled with keeping it at a healthy level. I have bounced around from 300lbs to 475lbs. In the last 6-7 years I went from being the healthiest I have been since high school at 300lbs, running 3-4 miles a day, playing full court basketball 2-3 times a week and lifting weights to 475lbs, a permanently paralyzed foot, struggling to stay off blood pressure meds,, recovering from back surgery, mobility issues and the thought of worthlessness. Life sometimes comes at you hard, sometimes you take it on the chin and hit back and sometimes it knocks you down for a while and you wonder if you can even get back up. Well im here to say, its time to get up and to get up swinging.

  I dont like to publicly put my issues or problems out for the public to see, and truthfully that is more scary than anything physically I plan to do. But I need to be accountable for my words. Its easy to tell myself im going to do something and than when I fail no one is any the wiser and I can go on like nothing happened. I need my friends and family to call me out on the carpet when I start to slip or when I fail, to help me back up. Thats what we are here for, to make each other better. So with that said, here I am. I am on week 6 of my journey to get healthy. Its that simple, I weighed in at 471lbs and at the doctors office my blood pressure was 147/98. Physically broken and in major pain 100% of the time.

   Today I am 452lbs blood pressure is at 117/78. I am documenting my daily calorie intake and I work out 7 days a week, either swimming 1 mile or doing the elliptical machine for 45 min. I make 100% fresh fruit/vegi smoothies everyday for my breakfast and snacks. This is my regimen, this is what I do, this is a part of my everyday life. I know I will miss some of these tasks here and there for special circumstances but those will be few and far between. I know that I am only as strong as my faith and my family and that is why I will succeed in this journey.

   My goal numbers, 265.36.XL, are big and its exciting to see how my health will affect my family and my everyday life. Please keep coming back and reading and hopefully my battle and my success in my journey will inspire and help you battle and succeed in yours.   -Big Dean